But it's been an entire month since I last posted. And Things Weigh Heavily On The Mind.
Life is changing, in a significant way. Someone who we have all come to know, trust, and love, is leaving. Someone who I can honestly say has been the most influential person in my life, after my husband. Someone who, in many ways, brought Brian and me together, both through his counsel and his prayers.
Our priest of 8 years is leaving our community.
I realize that we have been immensely blessed to have him for this long (or to have been fortunate enough to have him at all!) and that most priests don't stick around even for this long. But for some reason, we all thought he would never leave. He was assigned to our parish as a deacon. After his ordination, he was driving to his new assignment, and he got a phone call from his superior telling him to head back to Kansas City - they had changed their minds. And in Kansas City he has been, since the day of his ordination.
I met him shortly after this. He started a youth group, and I began to attend. I found out through some other friends - we didn't even attend his parish at the time, but we were informed that all were welcome to come. And it was through this ministry of his that my family was led to his church, and the St. Philippine Duchesne Latin Mass Community. It took us almost 2 years to finally make the switch from our old parish, but after attending, and seeing the reverence, experiencing the beautiful liturgy, and hearing the powerful and inspirational words of this humble priest, we knew this was where we belonged.
He was certainly not a man of expensive taste or elaborate words - he was born and raised in Montana, before Montanans had television. He was a cowboy, a country boy, a man who raised horses and worked on a farm and wore cowboy boots, who became a science teacher. He knew God was calling him to the priesthood, but was waiting for the right moment to come, for the right order to join. Then finally, the right moment came. The Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter opened a seminary in the United States. And he joined.
His only goal was to give glory to God. He certainly took no glory for himself, and his faded, patched cassock attested to that fact more than words ever could. While some people did not appreciate his matter-of-fact preaching, no one could accuse him of being fake. He was as real as they come - refreshingly honest! What a rare trait these days, even among clergy. However, he was not so blunt that his words would sting - rather, they would touch your heart in a profound way. His words would make you so proud and yet so humble at the same time to have received the beautiful Catholic Faith; they would make you realize the true horror of sin and help you receive God's grace to overcome your faults; they would make you jubilant at the great glory of God and unspeakably grateful for the Precious Gift Christ offers us in the Blessed Sacrament.
He knew how to read people, and how to touch their souls. There are countless incidents of people needing a bit of spiritual advice, a spiritual boost, or just a little anecdote to help them go along their way - and he always knew exactly what was necessary to say. It might be a quote in his sermon, or a little extra tidbit in the confessional that was completely unexpected, but it always had the power to bring peace to a person's heart and regain his hope and confidence in God.
He was certainly not perfect; no one is. But if ever there was a man striving for sanctity! When preaching about a topic that would be uncomfortable for some, he would always say in a lighthearted way, "I'm in sales, not management. If you have a problem with what I'm saying, your problem is with God, not with me." He constantly reminded us that he had to tell us things, even if we didn't want to hear them, because it was his job, and it was the only way he could go to heaven! He would constantly urge us to strive for sanctity, to develop a delicate conscience, and to desire the grace of never committing even a deliberate venial sin. He truly valued our spiritual progress. Under his direct spiritual guidance as many as 10 men and women entered into the priesthood or religious life. His sermons were true gems, and thousands of people realize this, as the recordings have been spread throughout the world.
There are three memories of him that I especially like to recall. The first was when I was in my junior year of college. I was taking Chemistry, the course material was all online, and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I attended his youth group one Saturday night, and happened to sit at his table for dinner. He was asking how school was going and I was telling him about my failure of a Chem class I was taking. Of course, being a scientist by profession with a masters degree in Biochemistry, he wanted to hear more. I admitted that I had no idea how to form chemical compounds, a basic objective of my chemistry class. I was good at math, so I didn't know what I was doing wrong! Instead of laughing it off, he grabbed a piece of paper and began writing. He spent 10 minutes explaining to me how 2H2 + 02 = 2H2O, and several other more complex problems. (I will admit I don't remember it now, but it did help me immensely at the time!) I was so flattered to receive that little bit of help from someone who surely could have spent his 10 minutes much more profitably - and I will admit I still have that little piece of paper he wrote on. I am firmly convinced it will someday be a second-class relic.
Another of my favorite memories took place February 24, 2008 - two days before Brian and I were engaged. It was no secret to anyone that we wanted to get married, and it was just a matter of Brian finishing school or finding a job that could support us, or both. He had been promoted just 2 days before to a management position at his store, and his salary was increasing enough for us to live on, and he was planning on popping the question soon. He walked into the sacristy that Sunday morning to serve, and mentioned to Father that he got a new job. Father's eyes lit up, and the first words out of his mouth were, "So when are you getting engaged? Go talk to her dad!" (Obviously I heard about this after the fact, but I think if Father hadn't given him that little bit of encouragement, our engagement might not have been a mere two days later!)
And the last of my favorites is so incredible, I find it hard to be a coincidence. It was two days before Nathan was born. Father had been gone for almost two weeks, for a 3-month medical leave of absence. A good friend of mine has recently had a baby, and he had spent 10 days in NICU for a bacterial infection. He had recently been released, and she was spending the day over at a mutual friend's house. I was, at the time, two days overdue. I had a doctor's appointment that afternoon, so I stopped by to chat with the girls before my appointment. The plan was for me to be induced in two days, and this was just a routine weekly visit. I left our friend's, and went to my doctor's appointment. (Brian wasn't with me; he was trying to make it through his last two days of work before his week of vacation.) My blood pressure had skyrocketed, and my doctor wanted me to go straight to the hospital. He told me I could only go home to get my hospital bag (and my husband) if I could do it "without exerting myself." On my way home, I gave Maddie a call letting her know what was happening, and I told her to keep me in her prayers and I would call her later that evening. When I spoke with her later, she told me that not even an hour after I talked to her, Father had called her from his vacation. (This was 100% unheard of - if he was calling you from vacation, he must have had a REALLY good reason!) He wanted to see how her baby was doing. Then he said he had thought about me for some reason, and was wondering how I was doing, and if I had had that baby yet! She was slightly surprised, and informed him that she has just gotten off the phone with me, and filled him in on my situation. Of course he promised to pray right then for me, and the baby. But the timing was so ironic! While it can easily be brushed off as a coincidence, everyone who has heard the story and knows Father agrees that it is more than mere coincidence. Especially because when I arrived at the hospital and was hooked up to monitors (most likely just minutes after Maddie had received the phone call), my blood pressure was perfectly fine.
Of course there are many, many more stories I could tell, and it seems like everyone has at least one story - a story that, simple as it may be, gives a little glimpse into the life of this man who truly lives out his vocation as a reflection of Christ on earth.
No one knows where he is going, at this point. He is going on another, more permanent medical leave, as he has health problems that are still undiagnosed. He may be eventually reassigned as an associate somewhere else, he may not. He will not be coming back to Kansas City. He informed us that we may never see him again in this life, but, for the last time, exhorted us all to become saints so that we can meet again in the next life. And since no amount of tears and prayers can bring him back home to us if it is not God's Holy Will, the only thing that can reunite us is eternal life. So while our hearts are heavy with earthly sorrow, we strive for sanctity so that our souls can be filled with the same heavenly joy that is radiated through this saintly priest.
on our wedding day
holding Nathan for the first (and probably last) time