Mind Clutter

Even though I took a several-month hiatus from blogging (hrm... again...), I still kept up with reading my usual (approximately 24) blogs for the most part (but not commenting, I didn't have the mental energy for that...). I also discovered several new blogs with many pearls of great wisdom that begged to be bookmarked. As I stumbled across 3 more today, I finally had to compose myself, remember that there are many, many women in this world with lovely ideas and inspirational words, remind myself that all the inspirational words in the world cannot substitute for DOING, and close all my tabs.

The internet can be a dangerous thing, especially for a stay-at-home mom who craves connection with the "outside world" and who loves the eye candy that craft and decorating blogs deliver. I find myself spending hours scouring blogs and reading friends' Facebook updates, and while I may leave my computer chock-full of bright ideas and completely up-to-date on my friends' comings and goings of the day, I have not DONE anything. I find myself wishing to "be like them," the moms who write the blogs who do a sewing project every day, or who cook 93 gourmet meals for under $150 a month (coupons!), or who take fantastic pictures of their adorable blonde children that are magazine-worthy. But by reading about their lives, I AM NOT BEING LIKE THEM. I am simply unconsciously tearing myself down because I'm not as creative, or as thrifty, or as talented as they are, or as they appear to be on their blog.

I am filling my mind with clutter. It's not bad clutter - it's usually good, useful clutter - but still, clutter. Just like my closet might have 50 shirts that are too small for me now - the shirts aren't bad in themselves, and I may even be able to wear some of them again someday, but right now, they're just taking up space and making me feel bad about my post-pregnancy belly. And so the blogs take up time and energy to read and make me feel bad about my lack of productivity.

I will admit it. I'm not going to stop reading blogs, nor am I going to stop being on Facebook. I AM going to be more mindful of how much time I spend online, and how I spend that time. I want to be more reflective, to nourish my real-life relationships with my children and my husband, to cook more, to craft more, to pray more, to LIVE more. In the words of Pope Benedict XVI, I want to be "more present to those whom I encounter in my everyday life."

(I still haven't posted my New Years' Resolution list. My goal was to have it finished by January 31. That's tomorrow... eep. Gotta get crackin'! I have a very good explanation for why I am compiling it a month late. It sort of involves a little word spelled "y-z-a-l". backwards.)