Mind Clutter

Even though I took a several-month hiatus from blogging (hrm... again...), I still kept up with reading my usual (approximately 24) blogs for the most part (but not commenting, I didn't have the mental energy for that...). I also discovered several new blogs with many pearls of great wisdom that begged to be bookmarked. As I stumbled across 3 more today, I finally had to compose myself, remember that there are many, many women in this world with lovely ideas and inspirational words, remind myself that all the inspirational words in the world cannot substitute for DOING, and close all my tabs.

The internet can be a dangerous thing, especially for a stay-at-home mom who craves connection with the "outside world" and who loves the eye candy that craft and decorating blogs deliver. I find myself spending hours scouring blogs and reading friends' Facebook updates, and while I may leave my computer chock-full of bright ideas and completely up-to-date on my friends' comings and goings of the day, I have not DONE anything. I find myself wishing to "be like them," the moms who write the blogs who do a sewing project every day, or who cook 93 gourmet meals for under $150 a month (coupons!), or who take fantastic pictures of their adorable blonde children that are magazine-worthy. But by reading about their lives, I AM NOT BEING LIKE THEM. I am simply unconsciously tearing myself down because I'm not as creative, or as thrifty, or as talented as they are, or as they appear to be on their blog.

I am filling my mind with clutter. It's not bad clutter - it's usually good, useful clutter - but still, clutter. Just like my closet might have 50 shirts that are too small for me now - the shirts aren't bad in themselves, and I may even be able to wear some of them again someday, but right now, they're just taking up space and making me feel bad about my post-pregnancy belly. And so the blogs take up time and energy to read and make me feel bad about my lack of productivity.

I will admit it. I'm not going to stop reading blogs, nor am I going to stop being on Facebook. I AM going to be more mindful of how much time I spend online, and how I spend that time. I want to be more reflective, to nourish my real-life relationships with my children and my husband, to cook more, to craft more, to pray more, to LIVE more. In the words of Pope Benedict XVI, I want to be "more present to those whom I encounter in my everyday life."

(I still haven't posted my New Years' Resolution list. My goal was to have it finished by January 31. That's tomorrow... eep. Gotta get crackin'! I have a very good explanation for why I am compiling it a month late. It sort of involves a little word spelled "y-z-a-l". backwards.)

Time Flies When You're Having Fun...

So the saying goes.

I've been having trouble taming the flurry of thoughts in my head and organizing them into a somewhat coherent, succinct post, so of course, I abandoned my blog once again. Good thing my blog can't abandon ME - it's always here when I decide to come back. (Unless Blogger decides to pull it for inactivity. I don't think they do that, though?)

We FLEW through Advent and Christmas, and I felt like I couldn't catch my breath, and then, it was all over. I hate that feeling. I struggle with wanting to celebrate the season of Advent solemnly, ignoring the secular world which tells us that the Christmas season begins on Black Friday and ends at 10pm on Christmas Day. So we don't decorate for Christmas until well into the month of December, and that just seems to make it zip by even faster. And my goal to celebrate Advent more this year failed pretty miserably. I felt like I had my head in the clouds the whole month. Ah well, there's always next year...

I have decided to finally finish the ol' bachelor's degree. I really should have continued going to school when we got married, but at the time I was perfectly content with my nice little Liberal Arts AA degree diploma framed on our wall, and had no further plans to continue my education after I found out we were expecting Nate, who was due in May, which would make it impractical for me to take spring classes since HE MIGHT BE BORN EARLY AND I WOULD MISS FINALS! (The babe was born 4 days late on May 28th. Finals were well over at that point.) But something has been tugging at me recently, and I finally feel that desire again to finish up those last few classes and to have the degree COMPLETE. Granted, it won't happen in just a semester or two, since I am only going part-time, but I am hoping to complete it by December 2012 (which really is technically NEXT YEAR!) The classes are online and completely doable while the kids are napping or in bed.

Because the classes in my major were already full, I am taking upper-level electives this semester since I need BUNCHES of them. Two art classes - an art history class and a photography class (the technical aspects of photography, not so much the "putting into practice" aspects, although this will certainly help with that as well.) I am already surprised at the very little amount of coursework we have for the semester and sort of wishing I had decided to take another class or two, but now I know for next time. I forget that the last time I was in college I was also working 55 hours a week and taking a full course load, along 90 minute round-trip commutes each day. Compared to that, having a baby and a toddler seems like a piece of cake (in terms of having free time!)

I'm hoping this will challenge me, stimulate my mind, help me to budget my time better and stick to more of a routine, and blah blah blah (all the other things people say when they talk about doing something that is supposed to be "self-fulfilling.") But really, I just want to learn something new.

Oh yeah, we have snow now! We got our first REAL snowfall of the year last week (the half-inch on Christmas Eve didn't count according to the meteorologists) and an additional 6 inches fell last night. We are way behind the rest of the country in our snowfall accumulation this year, but I personally am fine with that. (Come on, Spring!) Nate went out to play in the snow for the first time today. Sledding at my parents' house with Brian & my siblings - he wasn't exactly sure what to think about the cold, but he didn't cry, and that's always a good thing!

and my cute little Ben-Ben in the boys' bedroom - sitting up and growing fast!

Time to write this blog post: 1 hour 15 minutes
Interruptions by crying children who are in bed for the night: 6

Number of children still awake in their beds: 1

My analysis: This could be a long night...

Hello, Yellow!

Hooray for yellow pillows! They aren't quite as "gold" as they look in the pictures, but a nice, cheery, canary yellow. Loving them. (Next couch project? A cream-colored cozy crocheted blanket. May not be done for a year or two.)

And a little personalization for my little man:

I am a HUGE fan of personalized stuff for kids (although, admittedly, I am picky as to what it looks like.) I realize it is impractical for two reasons: buying personalized clothes/plates/bags is EXPENSIVE, and the objects can't be passed down to the next child (although my family defies that reason. My brother Pat has a yellow baseball shirt that says COLLEEN on the back, and a blue one that says CHRIS. He wears them all the time.)

However, I still can't get over how cute it is, and I am willing to spend a couple bucks and lose out on the opportunity as a hand-me-down. Yes, I said a couple bucks. Not more than that - although I'm drooling over the adorableness of these $24 plates. Too bad that with my mad bargain hunting I could get 24 PLAIN plates at that price. I just can't justify it.

So my cost for Ben's shirt: $2 for the onesie (yes, it was brand-new - I could have found an old one or bought a used one but it came in a 4-pack and I was impulsive), approximately 45c for the iron-on transfer and the ink I used printing on it, and the energy my iron used when it was plugged in. Not bad. I made it in 9 month size, even though he is mostly wearing 6mo stuff, so if he grows the same rate Nate did it will fit him til March. Then perhaps a friend will have a baby named Ben and I will pass it along.

And this cute little bib was a gift from my wonderful Aunt Aimee. I LOVE it! (And even though I don't think she reads this blog, I would like to thank her so much from the bottom of my heart here and apologize profusely for my EXTREME tardiness in sending a thank you note! It will be on its way this week. I feel horrible!)

I've also been working more on a couple artwork projects for the boys' room - one is finished and the other is nearly there. It was the reason I was spray-painting frames at 11pm on a Saturday night. My advice - if you're going to spray paint, move the object immediately after spraying to a different surface so it doesn't stick to the leftover paint, and don't spray paint in the dark. Really.

And thank you notes. Yeah. Those. Need to do! I did all the ones from gifts for immediately after Ben was born, but there are a few stray ones I never got delivered (intended to hand deliver, haven't seen the people in a while, that sort of thing) and then a couple more for gifts that came later that I'm still dragging my feet on. And a couple birthday cards... and some Confirmation cards. Oh man.

Dreamin' In Color, Livin' in Black & White...

But in our case, it's brown and white.

**disclaimer: in this post are pictures of our house. our house is a mess. I am in the middle of de-cluttering, which is taking me much longer than it should. so ignore the desk full of papers, the kitchen table full of crafts, etc.**

I should start off by saying that I LOVE where we live. We rent a 1300 sq ft, 2 bedroom townhome for a STEAL of a monthly rate. We have a large unfinished basement (that we are slowly making livable with carpet squares and a little play area), a good-sized deck, a fantastic kitchen, large bedrooms (think 12x16 and 15x18), a 1-car garage, and 2 1/2 bathrooms. So that's a little more bathroom than I like to clean, but that's all right. Even though there are things I could complain about, there is ALWAYS going to be something that we don't like about where we live, so for the most part, we are really blessed to have found such a wonderful place.

But we have the problem that nearly all renters face. OUR WALLS ARE WHITE. And not even a creamy white, or a glossy white. It is the whitest, flattest paint you will ever find. You can brush your elbow along the wall and it will leave a mark. Ick.

In our lease, it states that we must have permission from the landlord to paint. And while I think we could obtain that permission fairly easily, we then would most likely be responsible for painting it back before we move out. Considering my last three moves have occurred uncomfortably close to major life events (high school graduation, wedding, and a mere two days after baby #1 was born), I don't exactly have my rose-colored glasses on when it comes to the thought of moving, and I balk at the thought of having to prime and repaint everything during a week that will already be extremely hectic. So, for now, the walls stay white.

And our furniture? It's brown. All of it. Since we have been married we have bought a desk (brown), another smaller desk (brown), a buffet to hold our fine china that we really need to use more often (brown), a large living room rug (brown), and a couch (brown). Not to mention a bookcase I already owned (brown), our kitchen table that belonged to my parents before they outgrew it (brown), and an electric piano that we are borrowing from sister-in-law (espresso.) A lot of our furniture is actually TECHNICALLY "dark cherry", but really, it just kind of looks brown.

And while I LIKE brown furniture, I also like color. Bright colors. Which is something we are sorely lacking. I did make two blue pillows for our brown couch, and a little blue curtain for our bookshelf, but other than that, there is very little color in our living room.

view from the entryway

view from the stairs. check out the swinging, sleeping baby

I also don't really love the furniture placement, but I spent a couple hours trying to rearrange the other night and everything ended up back in the same places. I want our living room to be COZY and CHEERFUL, and I'm just not feelin' it. And this blank wall in the kitchen stares at me day after day, begging for me to decorate it.

But I'm really not good at decorating blank walls! So I've been perusing one of my newly-discovered blogs, Young House Love, for some inspiration. These people are SERIOUSLY amazing - a young couple who bought an old house in Richmond and fixed it up. And when I say fixed it up - holy cow. I have, quite honestly, NEVER seen a house transformation as incredible as this. Not even on HGTV. They did 95% of it themselves, and the coolest part is that they did it on a budget. And not a $10,000 a room budget, either. I am loving the long white shelves in their living room and in their office/playroom, and trying to convince Brian how fantastic they are. I think they would be great in our kitchen along that blank wall, with some colorful accessories on them. And IKEA even carries them online. But he is apprehensive of mounting long shelves, which I'm sure has NOTHING to do with our attempt to put up a similar (brown) shelf in our old apartment that pretty much completely flopped and ruined the drywall. If I knew how to do it, I would. But about the only tool I know how to use is a hammer.

So, any ideas on how to bring pops of color into our house? While the room looks brighter without the giant brown rug, we do need SOMETHING there... a little flood issue after we moved in kinda sorta left a giant orangey stain on the carpet... (and ruined our old couch, which is how we ended up with a nice, new, brown one - thanks, renters' insurance!) I am thinking more pillows on the couch (yellow!). I would like to do curtains in the kitchen, but every time I go to purchase some, I get a little scared, and never go through with it. I like the ease of the mini-blinds and don't know if I really want to mess with curtains.

We also need to do something about toy storage. I would like to have a "set place" for every toy. Right now they're all just shoved in our blue toy bin, which is overflowing and explodes on a daily basis, leaving the floor looking like this:

I do normally clothe my children.

I am also working on some stuff in the boys' room, since I can't ever do just one project at once. Theirs is coming along nicely, though. Ben's quilt has been started!

So much rambling. Sorry. It's just that this has been consuming my brain for days now. I need an interior decorator to come do it all for me, I think.

(And if you don't get the title's reference to an obscure country song, that's okay. I blame it on my dad.)

Summer is Ending...

There's something about the end of summer that makes me a little depressed. I am one of those people who is seriously affected by the weather, and I think it's the realization that the warm, sunny days are coming to an end and the dreary days of winter are arriving. It's hitting me especially hard this year, although I don't know why. I feel like in a way I have been jipped out of the last two summers - having a baby the last week of May two years in a row means that most of May is spent waddling around large and uncomfortable, and June is spent "recovering", resting, and getting to know the new little one in. It seems like July rolls around before I am ready to take on summer, and by then it is hot and humid and my desire to spend my days outdoors having picnics in the lawn and going on long hikes has waned. And while I absolutely wouldn't change a thing!, it doesn't make up for the fact that the beginning of next spring is now a long 8 months away.

The last couple weeks been absolutely gorgeous (when it hasn't been raining - who says Kansas doesn't get hurricanes? Thanks, Tropical Storm Hermine) - mid-80s or a little warmer. We have been trying to spend as much of it as possible outside, considering we don't have a backyard to play in. On Labor Day we went to Shawnee Mission park on a picnic (like 5000 other people!) and sat by the lake. It was BEAUTIFUL, and so nice just to relax as a little family. We have decided not to camp this fall, but we do want to go somewhere for a day to hike. We need another baby backpack, though. After researching all the options, I have been craving the Beco Butterfly II Aiden. It's an expensive craving, at a price of $139+tax. And as much as I would like to support a mom&pop babywearing shop, I am saving up my Swagbucks and survey points for Amazon gift cards so I can get it, since it will appease my bargain-hunting guilty conscience. The carrier holds up to 45 pounds, which is perfect for Nate (who is now 28 pounds!), and we have a smaller backpack that will hold Ben.

Brian's sister Nicole, her husband Simon, and their adorable baby girl Maureen came to visit a couple weeks ago all the way from Canada. Considering we hadn't seen them since OUR wedding (we couldn't go to theirs because it was in California the day before Nate's due date!), they were a sight for sore eyes. The kids spent a lot of time staring and poking at each other, but we got some cute shots of Maureen lovin' on Ben. We hope to go visit them sometime next year when the kids can appreciate each other a little more. We still have to get our passports, which by the way, cost an INSANE amount of money now! I think I spent $50 on mine when we went to World Youth Day in 2002? Now they are $140 for adults and $110 for kids, plus some other random fees - over $500 just for the 4 of us! And the U.S. has recently required ALL Canadian border-crossers to present a passport, so we can't get away with birth certificates anymore.

photos by Simon Noster

Love the look on Nate's face in the second picture. Ben appears less than interested.

At the park on Labor Day - my handsome guys (no, we didn't leave Ben in his carseat the whole time, I just don't have a good picture of him after we took him out) :)

P.S. Sorry about the GIANT Nate face in the header. I don't know how to get it any smaller! At least he's cute. ;)