Baby Envy

Today Nate & I went with Becky & her kids to the hospital. We were visiting another friend who just had her first baby yesterday. She had a baby girl, and she was BEAUTIFUL! Tiny, too - Veronica (the baby) was 2 pounds less than Nathan was at birth. She had the most perfectly round head with just the right amount of hair and a tiny little bow in it, and gorgeous smooth, pink skin. I love smooth baby cheeks! They are so kissable.

Coincidentally, Theresa gave birth at the same hospital as me - her room was 4 doors down from where I had delivered. Being there reminded me of my "birth experience" just six weeks before, and as I talked with her & listened to her birth story, I was suddenly overcome with a strange and overwhelming desire for a baby. What!? I HAVE a baby! A brand new baby! What is wrong with the one I have? Why do I want another one? And why so soon? Am I crazy?

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I love my baby boy! He is very cute, very sweet, very calm, very easy. And that's just it - easy. Almost too easy. And that's not a bad thing! I still have a LOT of free time. It's not quite the same as before - I can't run out and go shopping as easily, for example. He has to go everywhere with me. But I like that! I like having him with me all the time. I always thought being a mother would be one of the most fulfilling and rewarding things ever - and I was right.

So my baby envy isn't because there's something wrong with MY baby - on the contrary. It's rather because there is something so wonderful about bringing a new little life into the world, and being solely responsible for nurturing that little soul: a task so daunting, and yet so desirable at the same time.

A common philosophy in today's culture is that it isn't wise to have more than one or two children because they will be "deprived." By deprived, they mean deprived of material goods - lots of vacations, nice cars, big houses. Not wanting our children to be deprived - that's exactly why we want to have a large family! We don't want our children to be deprived of the love that brothers and sisters have for each other; the lessons of patience, humility, and generosity that can be so much more easily learned with siblings; the memories of playing board games, going on camping trips, making up stories, spending long summer days outside, lots of birthday parties, and just being silly with those wonderful people we live with; the love a little child has for their new baby sister just home from the hospital; the knowledge that while the world said material things were the most important, Mommy & Daddy chose you instead. These truly are the things in life that make a child privileged, not deprived, and the things that form a child's character - not material goods.

Now as far as wanting another baby already - I guess it's just that motherly instinct, just like when you reach down to help up a little child that has fallen at the park, even though you don't know him, and how you feel especially sorry for him with his skinned-up knee - more so than you ever would have before you were a mother. The desire to nurture, to teach, to love.

I have always been a multi-tasker, schedule-filler-upper, do-as-much-as-possible kind of person. I like being busy. Nate is causing me to slow down a little, and my life is much slower-paced than ever before. I enjoy the excitement of everyday life - I like a little bit of organized chaos. So I guess that's another reason I would love to add another little baby to the mix.

I know, God willing, we will get our next baby when the time is right, and I should enjoy this time with my one darling baby right now, and take advantage of the free time I do have. I am a very goal-oriented, check-off-tasks-on-a-list type person, so I am working on my "things I would like to accomplish" list. Long-term goals currently includes wedding and honeymoon album (maybe I'll get it done before our one year anniversary! wait... that's 2 weeks from now), Nate's baby book, a quilt and a cross-stitch for Nate's room, learning to cook more from scratch, being more consistent with cleaning. I know there will be more. I'm trying to find a balance between simply enjoying life and actually getting things accomplished. Our young family has many, many years ahead - we are trying to make the most of our hours and days.

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Or maybe, I am just crazy.